Plonk Tester – Part A) Shit Wine

Before commencing any proper wine lessons, and undergoing any further training, I thought it pertinent to start with a solution to an age old question:

“What do you do with a crap bottle of red wine…?” 

Waste not want not...

We have all done it. Gone to the grog-shop/bottle-o/supermarket etc, chanced a bottle of wine that maybe had a cool label, or was on sale for $4.95. Bargain. Popped that cork, prepared the glasses, poured, swirled (aiming to appear knowledgeable), good nose, lady legs down the glass – check – has alcohol. Finally, put it to your lips. Disaster ensues.

You wait it off – it’ll match the food, surely…
Nope. That hint of ash at the back of the throat won’t disappear.

Now comes the decision – is it worth wasting the $4.95 of Hungarian Dragons blood (thank you godmother Bridgey for your years of wine culture and terminology) and tip it down the drain? Or do we nail the old proverb and make Lemonade out of life’s Lemons?

Here comes predicament #2 – Sangria is only acceptable when you were planning to make everyone drink it all night – preferably accompanying Spanish food. When people hear your suggestion, all of a sudden Sangria is met with discourse and regret, in turn lowering the general opinion of an otherwise great drink! It appears a tacky second option, when in it’s own right it contains often lovely ingredients in precise measures to the liking’s of those drinking it. And even if your offer of Sangria is taken with open arms (students – waste not want not when it comes to optimising standard-drink-to-cost ratios), fresh oranges, and a range of sweet liqueurs are not always on hand to make worthwhile use of the bottle. Again, tarnishing Sangria’s status in the world of cheap fun cocktails. And the bottle still goes to waste – killing two birds with one stone in the worst kind of way… No lemonade in that proverbial outcome.

So a solution needs to be simple, require only everyday ingredients, be quick and easy to make, and obviously be widely appreciated.

Solution: KALIMOTXO          (phonetically Cal-ee-mo-cho)

Kalimotxo and Botellón

Kalimotxo is a local Basque cocktail made from Red wine and Cola, preferably Coca-Cola. It is extremely simple to make – one half red wine, one half Cola. It is usually made by chilling a 2L bottle of Coke, pouring half out into glasses for other drinks or mixes, and then refilling the bottle with a litre of red wine. Chill in the fridge, and serve over ice.

This cocktail is considered somewhat of a peasants drink in the Basque region – some bars will even refuse to serve it. However, it is a favourite of the locals as something other than beer during a Real Sociedad futbol match, or on a big night out on the town. It also suits the pre-drinking habits of the local students who pre-drink with botellóns of Kalimotxo in the streets – opting to save money by not going to bars in the hours preceding the opening of the good clubs in town at 3am.

So as ridiculous as adding coke to red wine sounds – are you game to try it???

I, personally of course, find it even better than Sangria. With the right bottle of wine, or to put it bluntly even with the wrong bottle of wine, it takes the harsher edges off of a bottle, increases the sweetness, and levels it out to suit most peoples palates. For those who don’t like overly sweet cocktails, a drier bottle of wine (for example a Shiraz or Cabernet) will produce a more pleasant outcome. For those who are watching sugar intake, the option of lowering the coke-to-wine ratio or changing to Coke Zero/Diet Coke will match all tastes and needs.

Finally, as an option for cheap drinking (students ears poke up right about… now), a $2.50 bottle of cleanskin (unlabelled) wine from Dan Murphy’s or a local winery and a bottle of coke can coerce those not accustomed to drinking fuller bodied red wines into this option of cheap drinking.

Finally – It tastes great!! In the hostel I explain the range of drinking options in town: Sidra, dry apple cider, Txakoli, a dry white wine – both of which suit the bread in most of the pintxos here. Finally you explain to them the concept of Kalimotxo – you on the one hand raving about it’s flavour and how cheap it is – only to see their returned glares and scrunched up noses, or people questioning about other potential ways to ruin a good bottle of red wine. Only to smile at them later when they have their first taste in a bar.

So don’t be a part of the ‘I told you so’ crowd, put your thoughts and apprehensions aside – even if you love red wine – and give it a try! If it’s not to taste now, I’m sure it will be when you don’t want to waste a bottle of red. And hopefully you will always have a bottle of coke in the cupboard or pantry just in case you stumble across a bottle of Dragon’s Blood.

Enjoy!

~ Matt